Ant #13. Bye-bye...

Well...
Tomorrow the plane will take me away from here...

Today we have had a conversation via the third person. No understanding, no vision of problem, no wishing to get better, no respecting... For me it all means "no love".
Sad... Extremely sad... It's gonna be the "loneliest" New Year's Eve in my life.

But anyway I'm gonna be stronger for all of you, my friends! I love you, you make my days shiny and bright! So I wanna say something to you, just a few wishes.

I wish you all the best in New Year. I want all your dreams to come true. I want you to find a new job, if you don't have one. I want you to buy anything you need. I want you to travel wherever you want. I want you to bear a child, if you like. 
And for all the lonely hearts, I want you to find someone special, who will be loving you so badly and whom you'll be loving... Till death do you part.

Yours...

Ant #12. New Year.

What is New Year's Eve for you?
Do you believe that next year will be better than the previous one?
What are you expecting?

For me it's a magical time. From my childhood it's my favourite holiday. I remember how I was looking for gifts under the christmas tree, how I was waiting for Santa Claus, how I was reading poems to him.

Then I've matured. My habits have been changed. Vodka replaced gifts, friends replaced Santa Claus, clubs replaced poems. But I still thought it's a great time.

And what's now? Now I'm thinking New Year and Christmas are family holidays. But I don't have a family. Of course, I have parents and my lovely sister, but it's not what I mean. Family is the only one person whom you'd like to hug and never let him/her go.

I've lost all hopes... So it seems I'm gonna celebrate New Year with the broken heart and a fake smile.
The day after tomorrow I'll depart out of this f*cking city, out of this mad world, out of my mind.

See you...

Ant #11. Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows.

Today I've been in the cinema and seen the "Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows" movie.
What can I say? I liked it!
I was impressed with the first film, but this one is even better.
It's funny, interesting, gorgeous. Director's finds are stunning. Actors's play is delightful!

I liked the scenes in the forest with all the slow moves, blasts, falls. And the second my fav episode is in the end, the ball in the castle. I liked how Guy Ritchie tried to reconstruct the epoch. Well done!

So my opinion about movie, it is 10/10.

I recommend to all my friends to watch this movie.

Ant #10. One step.

They say, from love to hatred there's only one step.
But what's about the step back?
Is it possible?

Ant #9. Madonna's "Masterpiece".

If you were the Mona Lisa
You'd be hanging in the Louvre
Everyone would come to see you
You'd be impossible to move
It seems to me is what you are
A rare and priceless work of art
Stay behind your velvet rope
But I will not renounce all hope

And I'm right by your side
Like a thief in the night
I stand in front of a masterpiece
And I can't tell you why
It hurts so much
To be in love with the masterpiece
Cause after all
Nothing's indestructible

From the moment I first saw you
All the darkness turned to light
An impressionistic painting
Tiny particles of light
It seem to me is what you're like
The "look but please don't touch me" type
And honestly it can't be fun
To always be the chosen one

And I'm right by your side
Like a thief in the night
I stand in front of a masterpiece
And I can't tell you why
It hurts so much
To be in love with a masterpiece
Cause after all
Nothing's indestructible
Nothing's indestructible
Nothing's indestructible
Nothing's indestructible

And I'm right by your side
Like a thief in the night
I stand in front of a masterpiece
And I can't tell you why
It hurts so much
To be in love with a masterpiece

And I'm right by your side
Like a thief in the night
I stand in front of a masterpiece
And I can't tell you why
It hurts so much
To be in love with a masterpiece
Cause after all
Nothing's indestructible
Cause after all
Nothing's indestructible

Ant #8. Love.

All my life I thought I'm not created for love.
I didn't love people who loved me. But those who I loved didn't love me back.

Only once I felt it's mutually. And what's happened? Disaster... Pain, tears, scandals...

I think I have to use my energy in another way. 2012 is gonna be very funny and interesting. So I should better concentrate on upcoming events.

If you know how to be in love and to be happy, tell me.

Ant #7. Pain.

I'm not afraid of a physical pain. I can fight it out.
But which doctor should I call when I wanna scream and cry? Which pill should I swallow when my heart is bleeding?

Today I have woken up at 5.30 am without alarm or anything else. I don't know why and how, but I woke up and took my phone and in 10 seconds I've received a sms...

What do you want from me?

I told you everything! I'm not gonna live in this circus anymore. You know I'm always open to talk to you, if you'll find to discuss something (but I doubt actually). All you need is your web-friends, gaga, gossiping. There's no place for me. I'm too mature to play this shitty game.

Call me in a few years, if you like.

Ant #6. Family.

There is a song in my iPod. It has a strong lyrics... "The only thing you can depend on is your family."
Hmmmm... Why not, actually? But...
What the f*ck does it mean? Should I forget about my own personal life to make my family feel better? Should I listen to them about what to do and what to say?
And what is the family? My parents or my partner (and maybe children)? Or all of them? And why do I have to depend on them?

I'm f*cking smart, brave, independent man. I wanna learn my own lessons. I wanna do what I feel need to do. And I don't need their advices.

It doesn't mean I wanna leave my family, but I don't feel this kind of dependence.

"I can make it alone..."

Ant #5. Rally.

I don't appreciate people not fighting for their rights. But I can understand them. They are probably scared or they simply don't believe in themselves. They probably think there are much more important things than to speak their minds. They probably hope it will change itself or someone else will change it. Anyway, I do understand their position.

But I HATE people which blame me for my belief. They tell me it's pointless and I'm too weak to destroy the system. Well, maybe I really cannot do it, but I can shake it up. I can make politicians remember that I, my family, my friends, my colleagues, we all exist and WE WANT they to hear us.

And I do believe that WE CAN DO EVERYTHING, when we are together.

Ant #4. Apologies.

I wonder how people turning my life into disaster think that saying "Please, forgive me..." is enough to correct everything.
Huh.

Ant #3. Horrors.

I don't understand people which think I'm sick because I like horrors.
Yes, I do really like them.
When I watch horrors, I realize my life is not so bad.
Besides, I can feel a fear which I can't feel in my everyday existence.
The fear fills my blood with hormones of pleasure, I forget about everything.

So right now I'm gonna watch the classical one... "The Shining" (1980).

Ant #2. Rumours.

More than anything else, I hate when people (which don't know me) talk about me.
If I don't tell you something, I just don't trust you.
And it doesn't give you a right to say what you want.

Ant #1. Beginning.

Hi.
I had a blog a few years ago, and then I found it too pointless.
But now it seems I'm gonna create it again, coz I have some things I cannot share with my friends.
Well, if you read it, you can think I'm talking to universe.

Here I go...