Ant #168. New life.

At first I wanted to write a huge post about my upcoming new life, about my expectations etc.
But then I thought it will be so silly.

So... Just to let you know... MY NEW LIFE STARTS TOMORROW!!! ;-)))
But it doesn't mean that I'm leaving my past behind.
My family, my old friends... You will always have a place in my heart! Never forget it!
And be sure that the doors of my new home will be open for you!

Forever yours, Just me.

P.S. See YOU at the airport, babe! :-*

Ant #159. Talking to God...

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm not religious.
But being an atheist doesn't mean that you cannot feel the energy of holy places.
On past week I felt it...

I was in Jerusalem with my friends. It was an amazing trip and I'm so happy they were with me.
After a long and full of impressions walk in old city we came to the Western Wall. It wasn't the first time when I came there, but unlike my previous visit this one was totally different.

I took a pen and a paper and started writing...

Hello, God.
How are you doing?
It's been more than 1 year since we met for the last time...

I didn't ask about money, career or houses and cars.
I told him that I have a dream, and it's not about me, it's about us. I just need some help to make it come true, to make me and another one person happy.

That's it...

The Western Wall, Jerusalem, Israel

Ant #155. Les amours imaginaires.

Les amours imaginaires (Heartbeats)

I've just watched "Les amours imaginaires"("Heartbeats") (2010), the story of two friends who both fall in love with the same man.

Actually I don't think they fell in love with him.

They both were looking for love, but found an asshole.

He played with their hearts, flirted, gave them hopes...

You know what is it... And he didn't give a shit about their feelings. He enjoyed his power. 

But this movie is not only about this one love-triangle.

It brings up questions about love, relationships, temptations and... bisexuality. As a parallel subject line, you can see a meeting of anonymous lovers, where different people tell their tragic (or not so) stories. All of them were hurted a lot by people in whom they fell in love.

But what really caught my attention in this movie is the way how its director (Xavier Dolan) shows a bisexuality, because I've been told by many friends of mine the same things. "Bisexuals only play with people, but actually don't love anybody!", "Bisexuals always change partners, they are sluts!", "Bisexuals adore to see people suffering!", "Bisexuals need more and more lovers, they love attention!"... That's what they usually say. That's what the movie says.

I think that people mix terms "bisexuality" and "assholeness", but they are not the same!

I know a totally straight guy that uses his hadsomeness to get money from rich men and he doesn't even kiss them, coz thinks it's disgusting. And I also know some bisexuals who found their partners and live together many years.

In my opinion, bisexuality doesn't mean that you fuck with everyone, it means that you find both genders sexually attractive, but you also can be with the only one person for the rest of your life! That's it!

Ant #122. Are you religious?

Seriously, how many of my friends are religious?
I'm not asking, do you believe in God/Allah/Buddha/anybody or anything else?
I'm asking, do you follow all the rules according to your religion? Do you go to churches/mosque? And what does it mean for you?

Today I've been told:
"When you tell atheist that God exists, he smiles. When you tell a religious man that God doesn't exist, he kills you."

I've been growing up with a sureness that religious people are the most pieceful in the world, because their religions teach them to love each other, not to kill, not to hate. And what can I see now? They can cut each other's necks. They judge on behalf of God.
But what is really pissing me off is that they complain about atheistic culture, because it insults their feelings.
But what if I say that YOUR religious stuff insults MY feelings? Maybe I don't like churches in a downtown? Maybe I hate watching you cross yourself on public?
But I would never tell you! I respect everyone's choice!

I really think that atheists follow the 10 commandments better and sincerer than religious people do.

This is my opinion.

P.S. Hey religious! Pray better! You have much more chances to go to the hell than me. XoXo

Ant #78. ★ Astrology ★

★   ★   ★ 

Do you believe in astrology?
Do you believe that stars predetermine your destiny, your character, your professions and even your future partners?

Well, I don't have a clear opinion about it. But when I see something like this (keep reading!), it's hard to disagree that stars have much stronger influence on us than we think.

A few weeks ago I've got my own astro map. If you have ever been interested, you probably know what is it. It looks like this. --->

Of course it's not mine, I've just found it on google. )))
Looks cool, don't you think so?

So... One astrologist offered me to make my own map and see what the stars speak about me. He did it for free, I wasn't risking. And you know what? He was completely (ok, not 100%, but 95% for sure) right about me as a person, even if he never met me and didn't see me.


I'm gonna share with you some stuff from his comments.
Take a seat and enjoy! ;-)

All you are concentrated on is YOURSELF, your person. But there is a nuance, your moon is in the 12th house, it means that your subconsciousness pulls you somewhere higher.


Even if you'll never be a businessman, your mind feels a smell of success and money, involves into new ideas, it knows well which deal is good. Try to find yourself in ADV business, PR, media.


People love you or hate you. The energy that goes from you is magical, promising, dangerous. But you don't pay attention to this fact, that's why sometimes you don't understand why people do strange things to you. It's all because of your deep emotions, possibility to re-invent yourself. "I'm not what you think of me" - that's what you are!


You demand absolute personal freedom.


You're interesting, creative, tolerant, full of impressions and different interests.


Your strongest planet is Mars. Even if you're Capricorn and used to like the order in everything, Mars "takes you away" sometimes.


It doesn't matter what was at the beginning, at the end there always will be a great success or a catastrophe.


Your loneliness turns into a way together.


You'd like to see someone wild and passionate as your partner. If it's a woman, she must be sexually liberated, brave, with a devil in her eyes. If it's a man, he must be brutal enough, brunet, with a penetrating glance. They both gotta have something natural, virgin, on the animal passion level. But for life you'll get someone another: intelligent and graceful person, but not sexually diffident at all.


And much more!
I don't wanna write here about parents, friends and what he called "transits".

And you know what I thought?.. I love stars!!!

Stars are blind.

Ant #76. Life after life.

I got an interesting question. Do I believe in life after life?

Wow. I wasn't ready to answer immediately. I said YES, but for me it's not about my faith, it's about my wish.
I wanna say... We all will die one day and I'm not worrying will I be "alive" after life or not?
I just don't want my love to die with me. Yes, that's the problem! Who will be loving those who I love after my death? Who will be loving you? Noone will love you as much as I do!
I need a second life, a life after life, because there's no enough time on the Earth for us both. How long can we stay alive? 80, 90, 100 years? But my love will live forever and I gotta do something with it.

I'll be missing you so badly, waiting for you at the skies and preparing the best cloud for you!

Ant #44. Heaven.

Do you believe in heaven on Earth?
I mean... Where is your own way goes to?
Do you believe in happiness?
Do you think that after the fall down you can get up and go ahead?
Why don't you believe in yourself?
What is your direction?
Hell or heaven?

Everyone has his own life phylosophy. Some of us think that life only brings us pain, disappointments, sufferings. It's a road to the hell. And if it's yours, you should better turn around and run. RUN RUN RUN! Hell is not what you need. Hell is not where you supposed to be. Trust me.
I believe in heaven. I believe in angels. I believe in what I live for. And I do believe that heaven is a place for everyone. You're alone or not, it doesn't matter. Open your heart, and you'll see how beautiful this place is.

You say "Heaven is a place on earth with you."

I'm waiting for you there. Can you hear me calling?

Ant #25. A Single Man.

Tonight I've been watching a film by Tom Ford "A Single Man".

The story about the guy whose love has died in a car accident. He's been left lonely on the Earth. He had nobody to live for and he started to destroy himself... Step by step. Not only physically, but emotionally. He was dreaming about death, he planned a suicide.

In the end he understood that he had to survive, the life is not over, there are many things, people, emotions he hasn't felt yet. But it was too late. The heart attack said NO.

Well... Wanna know what I'm thinking about?
During the movie I wanted to switch it off.
I've lost my love as well. Maybe the biggest love in my life. But I'm not gonna die. I don't lose my faith in love. I deserve to be loved... if not by you, so by someone else.

Tears, pain, sadness are degrading you.
Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs are degrading you.


You think that I can't live without your love... You'll see...