Ant 234. Throwback.

I spent a wonderful awesome fun weekend in a small city in the center of Argentina.
With lots of friends who I haven't seen for a long time, a pair of them lives in Israel, others not in BsAs, so we don't see each other frequently.

Everything was perfect except of one thing: the city itself.

It's the city where I went with "him" for the first time.
Such a throwback.
Wherever I went, everything reminded me about him.
Here we ate ice-cream, here we had some rest, here we took a picture while I was grabbing his balls...

If I knew it will be so painful, I wouldn't go there.
It's hard to smile when you feel like crying.

Ant #222. Giving up.

Is it good when you give up on something/someone you really want/need/wish?
I was always sure that giving up is what weak people do. I said that we must fight for our dreams.

But how long can you fight for what will never ever come true?
Like when you fight for someone but this person doesn't give a shit about you.
You can fight as long as you want, waste your time, your energy, but you'll be alone anyway.

IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.
Enough! I was suffering too much, I was asking, begging... but actually fooling myself.
You're not worth it. I need someone who can appreciate my love.
Bye.

Ant #218. I loved you...

A. S. Pushkin

* * *

I loved you, and I probably still do,

And for a while the feeling may remain...

But let my love no longer trouble you,

I do not wish to cause you any pain.

I loved you; and the hopelessness I knew,

The jealousy, the shyness - though in vain -

Made up a love so tender and so true

As may God grant you to be loved again.

*  *  *

This poem is written by the greatest russian poet Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin.

Ant #213. Fun fact.

I went through the whole world to be with you, I did everything you wanted, I refused the idea to live in the place that I love coz you wanted me to live in Cordoba and after all this months I still love you with all my heart,

BUT

you keep considering me as a cold, selfish and arrogant person.

Ant #212. Just an idiot.

Leaving Cordoba in 30 mins. Leaving my last hope.

Why the hell did I come here? What was I expecting? 

He said his feelings were true, while my feelings ARE true. 

Seeing him was the worst torture in my life! Just imagine, guys, how it feels to see in front of you a person who you love with all your heart, more than your life, and not to have a possibility to kiss or hug or even touch him. 

He left me on the street and I burst in tears... Yeah, like a silly girl. 

I just wanted to look into his eyes to see if he still feels something to me and I didn't see anything. I don't even know now if he ever loved me. I still feel absolutely the same to him, but he's got cold. So damn quickly. 

He said "we broke up because we are too different". One of us must be an idiot. 

Good bye, Cordoba! See you... well, never. 

Ant #204. Pictures.

Why am I so stupid?
I know that's it gonna be a torture, but I do it again and again.
I scroll up pictures on my phone and watch it all... you... me... us...

I must delete all these pictures memories, but I can't.
We seem so happy on them.
Why has it gone?

:'(

Ant #202. Romanticism.

I saw this picture and remembered my ex... my... well, ex...

He never believed I could be romantic.
He took my warmness as a lie, he called me pretender.

I don't know what happened to him that he finds so hard to trust people.
I hope he will change, I hope he'll learn how to open his heart...

<3

Ant #201. Missing you...

Time keeps running away, but I'm still suffering.
I don't understand what happened between us and why...
It's said...

I live like in a vacuum.
No sense, no aim.

I just hope we meet once again before I go home...

Nothing can change my love for you.

Ant 182. Wanna be friends?

FUCK OFF!

Ant #176. Random thoughts.

Everything goes wrong. I'm trying to be optimistic, but it's getting harder. The closer a dead-line, the more I think I hurried.

*  *  *

The relationship itself is great. We are knowing each other, and comparing to the first days, we are a perfect couple now.


*  *  *

Counting days till the premiere of MDNA Tour! 22 of june!


*  *  *

I need to speak russian. More! Sometimes I cannot remember proper words. English and spanish totally occupied my mind.


*  *  *

I cannot sleep last days. Maybe because of the problems that I have.


*  *  *

I have always been bad in multitasking. And now it's not an exception. So many things to do!
I'm bionic! I'm supersonic!


*  *  *

I started cooking frequently! This is so new to me. But we both are still alive! ^_^


*  *  *

2:04 am.
Good night!
Buenas noches!
Спокойной ночи!

Ant #174. Next step.

Every couple had a moment when they had to do a step forward, when they had to stop being just partners and to become a real couple.

Past week we made medical tests. It made us closer! Now we can trust each other more than ever!
Now I'm responsable for him, and he's responsible for me.

Ant #171. 5 days.

5 days...

This is how long I can stay far away from my Teddy Bear, not more...
Today I couldn't do anything because all my thoughts were about how to come back to him.

Of course, it doesn't mean that I wasn't missing him all these days, but today I felt it extremely painful...

If tomorrow I don't get any information that I need, I postpone all my plans and go to Cordoba.
I'm just dying here!

Ant #170. Family life.

I've just read the name of this article and laughed a lot)))

But seriously...
This is 1 week since I came here and I live with my Teddy Bear a real family life.
We go to supermarkets together, we clean rooms, we do laundry, we watch movies and of course we sleep together!

And I must admit it... It's so f*cking cool!

Ant #169. Mi vida argentina...

Finally it began!
Yes, I'm here and I still cannot believe it!
It's like a dream, but it feels so real!

So... for now I'm doing nothing, just enjoying these days.
At first I met my friend in Buenos Aires, then went to La Plata when I had an amazing dinner with my friends and Teddy Bear.
Now I'm in Cordoba, tasting the family life! ^_^
BUENISIMO!

Ant #168. New life.

At first I wanted to write a huge post about my upcoming new life, about my expectations etc.
But then I thought it will be so silly.

So... Just to let you know... MY NEW LIFE STARTS TOMORROW!!! ;-)))
But it doesn't mean that I'm leaving my past behind.
My family, my old friends... You will always have a place in my heart! Never forget it!
And be sure that the doors of my new home will be open for you!

Forever yours, Just me.

P.S. See YOU at the airport, babe! :-*

Ant #167. The sweetest countdown!

Ant #163. French.

I always say that I think that french is the sexiest language in the whole world!
I'm gonna learn it in the future, but for now... I wish my partner could speak french! I would be horny all the time! ^_^ (Do you hear me, teddy bear?)

Ant #157. Spring.

Spring is like a dawn!

The sun comes up after long night, after 3 months of cold and darkness.

Spring is like a refreshing breath!

It blows from the ocean and wakes me up. It smells a freedom.

Spring is like a happiness!

It's flawless, it's priceless, it's such a pleasure.

Spring is like a new day!

I feel a strength, I feel a desire to move on, to go ahead, to do something.

Spring is like a rainbow!

It's not black and white, it's colorful.

Spring is like a new life!

I open a new page in a book of my life. It's blank, I have a pen and ink and I'm ready to fill this page with a new story.

Spring is like YOU!

I love YOU!

* * *

Ant #153. Is it bad to be different?

A few days ago we started a game -> we choose a theme (related to us and our relationship) and discuss it.
We talked about friends, cheatings, controlling each other etc. The game to be continued...

I think it's very useful, coz when we finally live together, we won't be confused. It's like knowing each other being far away.

And of course we have looots of disagreements. SURPRISE!

➤ I'm not a "controlling" type of person, he is.
➤ I don't take a kiss as a cheating, he does.
➤ I hate if he has a friend who is in love with him, he doesn't see a problem if he doesn't cheat on me.

Not a big deal, right?

But yesterday I had an imprudence to tell him, that I don't like children. And it turned into another one quarrel. Maybe I shouldn't say it, but we promised each other to be honest. And this is my truth!
Of course, I'm ok with my friends's children as long as they don't play with me, don't break my phone, don't draw on my walls etc. Yes, I find them a lil bit noisy and annoying, but I can stand them. The point is I don't wanna have my own children.

He's absolutely in love with his nephew. OK, cool! I'm happy for him! But what should I do?

I'm not trying to change you, please don't try to change me!

Now seriously! Is it a real problem that we're different, that we have different points of view?
No, I cannot believe it! Especially after I proved how flexible I am in any question.

I love the fact that we're so different! I would kill myself if you were my clone!
Gosh! No f*cking way!!!

I love you for who you are, you're just perfect to me... Except of one little thing... Everytime we have a problem, you stop talking.

"Running away is not a solution!"

P.S. He doesn't like when I write my thought on twetter, even if they are completely unobviuos.