November 25, 2014

Ant #288. 30 Things Every Gay Man Must Do Before Turning 30.

I've just seen an article called 30 Things Every Gay Man Must Do Before Turning 30, and I couldn't leave it without comments coz the majority of these 30 is just weird. I don't know who's responsible for this text but I guess he knows nothing about people, their tastes and preferences.

Here we go...

30. Make friends with someone you haven’t slept with
Ehh, I actually had just a very few partners in my life and I never slept with any of my friends or mates. So what can you recommend me? To finally sleep with one?

29. Get over the ex who hurt you
Ehh, are you talking to me? I have no problems with my exs.

28. Watch the movie Showgirls
I did. But you should better offer me something more intellectual.

27. Clear out your closet
I regularly do, don't you?

26. Evaluate your safe-sex practices
Oh, in my 30s, right? Are you f*cking kidding me? You MUST do that since your teenage.

25. Quit smoking, like, for real this time
So before 30s it's ok to smoke, right?

24. Learn how to hold your alcohol
I have learnt. Many many years ago.

23. Stop drunk texting your FBs
Never did.

22. See Cher in concert
What if I like hard rock or heavy metal? Or gospel? Or rap? Come on, Cher is nice, but she's not Messiah.

21. Cut the drama
Drama is definitely not about me. I like to watch and laugh, but not participate.

20. Date an older guy
Seriously? First of all, I'm not dating, I'm loving. Unconditionally. I'm not gonna push myself to date a granny just because you say it's worth it. If you say like this, you probably know nothing about real love. Second, what for? I don't need a dad, I need a lifetime partner.

19. Register to vote — and actually cast your ballot
I do vote.

18. Pay down your credit card debt
I have no debts.

17. Learn how to cook
I cook.

16. Stay at a clothing-optional resort
I'm not interested in this at all. My nudity is for a person that I love and that love me. Period.

15. Open a retirement account
The only good advice here.

14. Get rid of all your crap from IKEA
I have nothing from IKEA, but even if I had, what's the problem with it?

13. Date someone who’s not your type
See #20.

12. Read Gore Vidal’s The City and the Pillar
You say "It’s a must-read classic in gay literature." I'm not interested in GAY literature, I'm interested in GOOD literature. If this is the only book you tell me to read, I have some questions about you intelligence and education level.

11. Accept that some people are just assholes and nothing will ever change that
I have accepted already. I learnt this lesson like 10 years ago.

10. Explore a sexual fetish
As you wish.

9. Stop saying “I hate kids”
I don't hate them, I just don't wanna have them.

8. Gain some selfie-control
I think I'm good.

7. Indulge in luxurious bedding
I prefer to spend my money on something more interesting and thrilling like traveling.

6. Have coffee with an ex-boyfriend
I did many times. I'm friends with almost all of them.

5. Quit comparing yourself to others
Never did.

4. Wear sunscreen, even on your butt
I never leave my home with no sunscreen on me, but thanx for caring.

3. Stop complaining about the things everyone else deals with, too
This is definitely not about me.

2. Bottom… At least once
Anything else? S&M? Zoo? Golden shower?
It's good you try to show us different sides of pleasure, but don't forget that everyone has his own preferences.

1. Stop freaking out about being 30
I'm almost 29, and I'm in my best age. I'm good looking, young and fresh, I'm healthy and full of energy. I'm smart and educated. I'm independent. Why should I be freaked out?

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