Ant #324. Kids.

All of my friends probably heard from me that I hate kids. And of course when I say this, I don't mean it.

When I was 6 years old, my sister bore a daughter. But I didn't become her uncle, instead I became her father. My sister got divorced and never had any support from ex husband. She worked a lot, so did our parents, so I was with my niece 24/7. I did all those things that fathers always do, while I was a kid myself.

It was a hard time for me, since that moment I used to say I hate kids and I don't want to have my own one coz I already have one (my niece), but of course it's not true! In Russia we say that "kids are flowers of a life". I cannot say any better!

Why am I saying all these?

I've just known that my lovely friend, amazing argentinian girl that I once met in Tel Aviv, has got a second child, a beautiful boy called Noam. And I'm so happy for her that I don't even have proper words to describe my excitement! She's definitely one of the greatest moms on Earth and the boy was very lucky to be born by her.

OMG! I'm so emotional right now! ^_^

Ant #319. Disconnection.

I talked to one refugee from Russia today. She was like "OMG! There happens this, there happens that", and I found myself thinking that I don't actually care. Then I tried to remember when I read russian news the last time, and I couldn't.

It feels so strange to me. To be honest, I don't know if it's good or not. It's just a fact: I've disconnected.

Ant #316. Uniqueness.

Many people think they are different, they are something unique, something exceptionally great while actually they are so basic. But modern society makes them thinking this way. We all see these "queens of the world" everywhere.

I don't know if it's good or not, I just see that people are terribly afraid of being normal.

I remember when I was 14 or 15, there was a parental meeting in my school and my teacher told them... "I can see a separation in the class. There are 3 groups: 1st group - boys, 2nd group - girls, 3rd group - ..."

3rd group was only me. No, I wasn't despised or bullied, never. But people always thought I was different and couldn't really contact me. I also wasn't looking for connection, but I was suffering of them thinking I was weirdo when I desperately wanted to be normal.

Ant #311. Me, myself and I.

I've always been told by many people that when they see my photos they think there are a few different persons, and I think it's true coz I feel the same some times.

I don't know if it's because I'm loosing and gaining weight or because I'm changing my hair or because of anything else. It's just a fact!

Period.

Ant #298. Good-bye 2014.

What can I say?
This year has been horrible as hell. Not the worst in my life, but still...

Ok ok, step by step... )))

It's been full of events, ups and downs, stories, bad and good things in almost all the possible sides of a human being's life.

And the most disgusting one is that my country (where I was born) attacked another one, occupied a part of its territory and started a real war with thousands of killed people now on both sides. This situation nearly ruined my relationship with family, especially with my dad who has been a military all his life and sees a greatness of our country in being assholes. It also affected all our incomings, but I would give all my money just to stop this fucking war. Probably it's the very first time in my life when I feel ashamed for being russian. I know I'm not responsible for this crap, I was always against Putin and his corrupted government, I went to all the demonstrations, I never voted for him or his party, but I allowed him to become a president, I didn't try well to convince people and show them who he really is. So I guess I AM responsible too and this feeling is killing me from the inside.

Well, but in this year there also were some positive moments. If 2013 was heartbreaking, than 2014 has been heartrecovering! ))) No details this time, just wanna say that I learnt once again how to love and I think this is the best thing that happened to me in years. I found out that I'm so full of love, passion, warmness, caring, more than ever! I'm not afraid of my feelings any longer and I'm totally happy!

Like in the song... "Through the darkness somehow I survived. Tough love... I knew it from the start, deep down in the depth of my rebel heart!"



So for those who has been devastated like me in this yeah, I wish the next one to be better, actually it barely can be worse! )))
For those who have been fine (I know some, LOL), I wish you all, lucky bastards, the next one to be even brighter!

Spread the love! <3

Ant #282. Addicted to Internet.

2 days.

2 days since my home internet collapsed. 

At first it felt unusual and uncomfortable. Then it felt really depressing coz I didn't only leave with no facebook chat and Skype, but also with no news, movies and possibility to work. But now it feels... challenging. Yeah, challenging! I met a friend, spent the whole day on a riverside talking to him, now I'm making a coffee and starting a new book that I wanted to start reading many weeks ago. 

P.S. I made this post on my phone, if u wanna know! But I don't really like surfing on it, so take it as an exception! ;-)

Ant #279. To talk or not to talk.

I'd like to ask you all...

We all definitely have that kind of people on our social networks newsfeed who always post horrible pictures of killed animals, of wars, of political issues etc.

I think it's totally ok that people speak their minds, but my question is: Does it really can change something? Let's just stop for a second and ask ourselves. If we flood all days about civil war in Syria, is it gonna stop? If we tweet about homofobia 24/7, is it gonna disappear? If we write about Putin's aggression on Ukraine, will he retire?

We all know that the answer is NO.

If you wanna change the world, stop talking and start doing something.

Find a Red Cross office and volunteer. Buy some food and toys and bring them to any orphanage. Organize a campaign of helping homeless animals.

Maybe it doesn't change the whole world, but it definitely changes the life around you.

Ant #255. 1 year.

I just cannot believe it!
Today is the 1st anniversary of my living in Argentina.

Gosh, 1 year since I arrived to Ezeiza International Airport.
It was the most exciting flight in my entire life, I was brave, full of hopes and happy! I knew what I was doing and what for. I wanted to change my life and I have definitely done it!

So how was this year to me?
Shortly, it was everything!

I got every type of events/emotions/problems that a person can get.
Sometimes it was difficult, sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was bitter, sometimes it was crazy.
Like in a song, "it wasn't always perfect, but it wasn't always bad".

Do I think it was a mistake? I don't know.
Would I rather stay at home if I knew 1 year ago how will it be? Probably yes. Not because I regret of coming here. I just think it was kinda pointless. My life changed in many ways, but not the way I wanted it to change. I lost too much and got almost nothing. But still... I'm enjoying to be here. I love the country (not the government), I like people, I like the weather, I like the situation with tolerance and human rights, I like the food and wine here.

I've learnt some big lessons here:
Expectations -> disappointments.
Life is too short for bullshit.
Trust no bitches. Watch who is really worth your time, your care and your love. Don't waste your emotions, they can run out in any moment.
You can do anything if you believe in yourself. There are no limits!

So... It's time to thank some people.

At first I'd like to thank those amazing people who I've met here. Not calling names, you all know who I'm talking about. Thank you for being with me, for getting my ass to the parties, for calling and texting me when I feel bad, for asking me how am I, for teaching me bad words, for helping me in many ways, for introducing me to other good people. Thank you very much! XoXo

Then I'd like to thank those who left me. Thank you for making me stronger, for helping me to discover my inner power, for explaining me that I'm not that bad, there are much worse people, for teaching me how to separate real friends from fake friends. Thank you very much! XoXo

Also I'd like to thank my family and my friends from my "past life". Thank you for supporting me no matter what, for not forgetting me, for staying in touch through all this year, you are better than gold, better than any diamond in the universe, you're simply the best! Thank you very much and see you all soon! XoXo

And last, but not least I'd like to thank my best friend. Thank you for always being with me, for understanding, for the best advices you give me, for your amazing sense of humor and countless laugh I got with you. I'll never forget the moment we first met almost 5 years ago and all the great experience we had together. Thank you very much! XoXo Dior bless you! )))

Sincerely yours, el ruso.

Ant #253. Instagram.

Probably the last person on Earth, I've finally joined Instagram.
I still don't understand the sense of sharing my pictures with people that I don't know, but I wanna try it.

The main reason is Madonna.
She uses it a lot, and with upcoming album and tour I wanna stay updated.

Another reason is rubbish-photos.
Sometimes I take interesting pictures that aren't worth to be on my facebook, so Instagram is a perfect place for them.

I hope I'm not getting bored of it soon.
Follow me: http://instagram.com/chamuyero

Ant #241. St. Valentine is coming.

2012.

You just cannot imagine how much I hate this day.
For me it's the worst day in the year.
I don't even want to read my facebook timeline, coz there are hearts, angels, love and other crap.
This is so silly.
I wrote in my status that I'll unfriend with everyone who congratulates me with this f*cking holiday.
ONE MORE TIME!
I'm single. And I don't wanna pretend I'm happy today, coz I'm not! And I won't be.
This day lost all sense for me.
Last night I had a dream that I opened the door and there was my lovey.
That's why I'm so pissed off.

http://thoughtsarelikeants.blogspot.com.ar/2012/02/ant-42-st-valentines-fcking-day.html 

2013.

Ok guys! I hope everybody survived one of the most despised holidays )))
Seriously, I know so many people who hate the 14th of february, even I was one of those people.
But everything's changed since I met my babe! ♥
I'm really glad for those who were able to spend this day together with their "valentines". You're very lucky!
My "valentine" is 15000 km from me, but our love story has just begun. And I hope I'm sure that once we get together, every day will be St. Valentine's Day!
Sending the positive vibes to all my friends! We all need to believe in love! It's the most beautiful thing in the whole world!
To my T.B.: I wanna dedicate this next song to you!
But before you play it, I wanna remind you that "novio" and "amante" in english are the same word! This song isn't about "amantes"! XoXo

http://thoughtsarelikeants.blogspot.com.ar/2013/02/ant-152-st-valentines-day.html 

Those 2 posts I wrote in 2012 and 2013.
Kinda different, right?
What will I write in 6 days?
Any thought?
...
Like 2012. I hate this holiday again.

Ant #229. Good-bye, 2013!

Yes, this is the end of 2013.
"Finally" or "naaaaaaw, so sad"?
How about you, guys?
Was it good or not so?

To me it was... I still don't know actually. I'm typing this letters and I have no f*cking idea about atmosphere of following text.

Well, this year was... interesting. Yes, interesting! Full of life events, crazy changes, storm of emotions positive and negative.

If you know me personally, you definitely know what happened to me in 2013, so there's no need to talk about it again and again. Let's better talk about what I've learned.

-> We must fight our fears. Anything we want to do or to get is much easier than we think. We just need to believe in ourselves and follow our dreams.

-> Sometimes those who say they are our friends are not. And sometimes help comes from those who (according to your thoughts) would never do anything for you. Look clearly, open your mind and give people chances to show who they really are.

-> I stopped being ashamed of myself. I no longer pretend to be who I'm not. And this is such a great feeling, so comfortable inside, so relaxing. I am who I am, get over it!

-> I saw once again how fragile my heart is. I changed my whole life for a love, but I've been thrown away. And that was damn painful. The worst experience ever. And I promise it will never happen again. None bitch is worth my tears. I lock my heart and drop the key into Pacific Ocean. Ciao!

-> It's hard to forgive... I can forgive anything but betraying. I know it's not good, but I can't fight myself. Every time I see someone who hurt me the flame of hate inside of me fires up again. It burns my chest. And I only calm down when this person goes away.

Well, you see... It comes out kinda bittersweet.
But believe me or not, I think it was a good year. I wouldn't like to live it up once again, but I also wouldn't skip it.

Any experience is always experience!

The "Happy New Post" I will write tomorrow!

ANT #200. RETROSPECTIVE vol.2.

Whoops once again!
I think it's time to have some rest and look what's happened to me in previous 100 posts!
Enjoy! ;-)

*   *   *

(Ant #103)

*   *   *

Someone gotta call 911!

I've received my salary and... have bought another 1 ticket on Madonna's show.

(Ant #104)

*   *   *

---

OMG! 30 minutes to sales! YES or NOT?

---

Woooop! I've just received an email from ICON with a passcode! ^_^

---

olympiahall.com is crashed! ))))

---

It works, but there aren't tickets!

---

SHIT! WORKS!

---

SHIT! DOESN'T WORK!

---

FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!

---

F*CKIN' OLYMPIAHALL.COM! BURN IN HELL!!!

(Ant #107)

*   *   *

FINALLY!

I got one! The real stalker!!!

Haters are so irrelevant! I'm tired of them. But the stalker made my week! )))))))

This is what I call SUCCESS! )))

(Ant #114)

*   *   *

Please, whoever you are, F*CK OFF!

(Ant #116)

*   *   *

They both were looking for love, but found an asshole.

(Ant #155)

*   *   *

I looked at people around me and... BINGO!!! I was the only one "uncut" in the locker room! I swear, they all were cut!!!

(Ant #158)

*   *   *

I think I'm gonna try to register the new religion, something like "Madonnism", and sue fans of all other singers!!! ^_^

(Ant #165)

*   *   *

I started cooking frequently! This is so new to me. But we both are still alive! ^_^

(Ant #176)

Ant #191. Letters.

Hey, dear!

A hug is what I really need now, for sure! If u ever come back here again, you're always welcome at my home.

I never regret for what I've done, I can only regret for what I haven't done.

The problem is that I never lived alone before, always with parents or roommates. And if I ever felt lonely I had somebody to talk to. It's so new to me. I wanted to live alone so badly, and now when I got what I wanted I understand how much I need someone else.

I know what you're gonna say... that I'll get used to it. I agree, but this is the worst of the worst moments to do that. When your heart is broken you need many people around you so their voices could muffle your heart's crying.

You're right, we didn't have too much time to know each other better, but I hope we will in the future. And I do appreciate the fact that you told me your secrets. It means a lot to me, seriously! And I really hope we'll see each other before the next tour.

And thanx for advice about volunteers. I think it's a great idea!

XoXo

*  *  *

Sometimes I need to take my thoughts out of subconsciousness and write them to somebody.
It helps me to understand what I really feel.

Ant #168. New life.

At first I wanted to write a huge post about my upcoming new life, about my expectations etc.
But then I thought it will be so silly.

So... Just to let you know... MY NEW LIFE STARTS TOMORROW!!! ;-)))
But it doesn't mean that I'm leaving my past behind.
My family, my old friends... You will always have a place in my heart! Never forget it!
And be sure that the doors of my new home will be open for you!

Forever yours, Just me.

P.S. See YOU at the airport, babe! :-*

Ant #136. Black and white.

BLACK: My stalker has come back.

WHITE: In 10 days I'm going to South America.

BLACK: I think I've failed my exam today.

WHITE: My laptop is fixed after "epic flooding".

BLACK: I'm on a diet and haven't eaten any sweet more than a week.

WHITE: My New Year trip is confirmed, managed and booked! I'm going to Georgia. (to be announced soon!).

BLACK: I spent all my money and cannot pay for my institute. I'm a bankrupt.

WHITE:  It's snowing! ^_^

                                                                                                                                  

We all have black and white stripes in our lives.
And that's annoying!
I wish we all have only bright colorful stripes!

Ant #79. The writer's crisis.

That's it!

Like all bad writers/bloggers I need something bad happening to be able to write.
I never could write a diary, it's not my type. I don't find my life incredibly interesting to describe every single day in bright colours.

I created this blog when I was on the edge of death, when I was feeling I couldn't breath anymore, when I was watching my life rolling down in the hell.
For the last 5 months I have posted here many random thoughts about friends, about family, about travellings, about Madonna, but of course a lot of them was about me and my broken heart.

So now what?
I survived! I SURVIVED THESE BAD TIMES!
And I don't feel need to write here anymore. About what?

Maybe when I'll go on tour, I'll have more things to speak about. But now...

This is the end.

...

Or not? ;-)

... to be continued.

Ant #61. My new best friend.

I think I need a psychologist's help.
All my life I was afraid that the piece of internet will become closer to me than my real friends.
It's strange, it must not happen.
But what can I do, if I share my thoughts with my blog easier than with my friends?
They know me as a strong brave stony person. But it's just an external cover of me. And I would like to show them I'm not so frozen, I have feelings like all of them have. Unfortunately, they will never accept this part of me. They don't need me being sensitive, caring, helping, loving... They only need me being funny, laughing, clubbing...

This is tough...

Putting on my mask back...
Bye-bye, my sweet B.

Ant #47. Love & Hangover.

Terrible hangover. I haven't felt myself such a dead for a long long time.

Yesterday I was on comedy TV-show shooting. The show had a gay theme, that I didn't know about. I guess my mom will be surprised if she sees it... Buh )))
Then we've got drunk. Well, I've got drunk, my friends didn't drink at all. But I wanted, I had to. Last days were so stressful, I needed some rest and relax.
So I had fun. Yeah! ))) Drunk I tweeted so many silly things like "V-O-D-K-A" ("L-U-V Madonna" style) or "I could be Eugene"))) Just shit. Whatever.
Oh yeah. It seems like last night I wasn't the only one who was drinking.

This morning I was dreaming about death! LOL ))))) But I had to go to the rally. Again! They will never end for me. Anyway, I have my citizen position. Democracy is what we all about.

Why did I call this post "Love & Hangover"?
Ah, yep. Because I love you.

Ant #33. Who really am I?

Today I've been talking to my friend about my ex, who is our mutual friend actually.
I heard he's found someone and they are probably enjoying each other. We've seen newbie's photos, and I'm not impressed honestly. But it doesn't matter, they have a lot of things in common (like gaga or the internet datings where they've found each other), so I wish them all the best.

But it's not what I wanted to say. When I said that this guy looks not very interesting to me, my friend agreed with me and added that he's probably not my ex's style. I said, "So I'm probably not as well".
And my friend told me:

- Buddy, you have an amazing energy! You entice into you, even if you don't wanna do that.
- What? What are you talking about?
- You heard what I've said.

I was a little bit confused with these words, couldn't answer anything.

Honestly, they tell me that, but I don't think it's definite true. 'Cause if it was true, I wouldn't have so many people disliking me with no reason. And yes, I always have a few persons ready to be with me, but I don't do anything for it's happening.

Anyway... Who needs this f*cking energy, if the only one you need doesn't wanna be with you?

Dot.

Ant #21. Anonymity.

Someone anonymously wrote me:

1) oh~ U so stupid!!!!!!!!

and this one

2) you're a mutt!

What can I say? It's not insulting me at all. I don't care about words of those who cannot tell me them face-to-face.
I know who you are. So why are you such cowardly? If you have something to tell me, do it. I have things to tell you as well. Be sure!

And one more thing. I never write anonymously. I'm responsible for my words, that's why I can honestly speak to anyone.