Ant #324. Kids.

All of my friends probably heard from me that I hate kids. And of course when I say this, I don't mean it.

When I was 6 years old, my sister bore a daughter. But I didn't become her uncle, instead I became her father. My sister got divorced and never had any support from ex husband. She worked a lot, so did our parents, so I was with my niece 24/7. I did all those things that fathers always do, while I was a kid myself.

It was a hard time for me, since that moment I used to say I hate kids and I don't want to have my own one coz I already have one (my niece), but of course it's not true! In Russia we say that "kids are flowers of a life". I cannot say any better!

Why am I saying all these?

I've just known that my lovely friend, amazing argentinian girl that I once met in Tel Aviv, has got a second child, a beautiful boy called Noam. And I'm so happy for her that I don't even have proper words to describe my excitement! She's definitely one of the greatest moms on Earth and the boy was very lucky to be born by her.

OMG! I'm so emotional right now! ^_^

Ant #265. One week in Russia.

It's been one week since I came to Russia.
June 2nd-6th I was in Moscow, now I'm at my parents home in the small provincial city where I was born.

It is quite useful experience after one year outside the country.

When I was flying to Moscow, I was preparing to feel negativity, to see sad people, I thought that when I get into Domodedovo I will throw up. But when I saw inscriptions on Cyrillics, I started smiling as an idiot and greeting everybody, feeling some looks of disapproval on myself. But I didn't care! Even if I was dying to sleep, I was glad to come back to the hometown (I wasn't born in Moscow, but I consider it as my hometown coz I feel great there). At the airport I was met by a friend, got into his car, and once we left the airport we stuck in a traffic jam. He started screaming at people and showing his middle finger to everyone. I said: "Calm down or someone's gonna kick our asses! ", he took out a gun and said: "No one fucks with us!". I said: "When did you all become that nervous? ", he replied: "It's our life!"

Next 3 days I felt this public aggression even more.  I don't know if something really happened there or it's just me after a year in Argentina.

The city itself I loved a lot! I never noticed earlier what a beautiful city I lived in. Everything in it for me was kinda ordinary, and now when I looked at it with the eyes of a tourist, I was really impressed!

Then I met my friends. Finally we had a heart-to-heart talk. One of my friend who recently was arrested on a demonstration, now prepares documents and goes to Spain. Our mutual friend will join him this fall. Two more guys (gays that live together for many years) now actively looking for a possibility of moving to Germany. I don't know if they cam manage it or not, but I wish them a good luck! Another friend, a girl (one of my best friends) wants to try to enter the university in Stockholm, she says that if it won't happen, she will come to Buenos Aires to me.

To be honest, wouldn't say that people there have a despair, no, not at all, they are not deathly scared.  I would say that in their eyes I see a kind of hopelessness (though, probably, these feelings are close in fact).

In the city where my parents live the picture was absolutely different.
If in Moscow I mostly talk to the people who have seen the world, with those who went to anti-Putin demonstrations with me, with those who doesn't divide people on white and black, straights and gays, believers and atheists, here, in province, the situation is just horrible. I'm here the third day, but I already want to leave from here. I feel very uncomfortable. Every person told me that I am a traitor, "liberal" and the intellectual lousy, and we were friends with these people since my childhood. I try to stop all discussions about Ukraine and Conchita Wurst before they begin, but people just do not stop, and they don't want to listen to me (thanks to social networks they already know my position). I feel that they were waiting for me to say to my face how much they despise me. All together.

I don't know how to survive 10 more days here, it is very sad and uncomfortable, and the worst thing is that no person shares my views or simply stands up for me when the whole crowd is screaming at me. Wherever I go, whoever I meet, whatever we talk, everything comes to the same end: lynching the tolerant me.

I never thought that in my homeland I will feel myself a foreigner.

Ant #257. Sweet Conchita Wurst.

Another arguing with relatives, and now because of Conchita Wurst.

The russian society turned insane when she won Eurovision. Countless and countless posts and articles about death of Europe, about family values, about tolerance that destroys the world. On the central TV they said that "Europe has a bloody diarrhea" and that "Beard is a sign of loneliness and Apocalypse!" XDDD

And it would have been just funny, if people weren't that serious about this shit.

But what is really funny is people talking about family values in a country which is a world leader in divorces and abortions.

Hypocrites!

Ant #255. 1 year.

I just cannot believe it!
Today is the 1st anniversary of my living in Argentina.

Gosh, 1 year since I arrived to Ezeiza International Airport.
It was the most exciting flight in my entire life, I was brave, full of hopes and happy! I knew what I was doing and what for. I wanted to change my life and I have definitely done it!

So how was this year to me?
Shortly, it was everything!

I got every type of events/emotions/problems that a person can get.
Sometimes it was difficult, sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was bitter, sometimes it was crazy.
Like in a song, "it wasn't always perfect, but it wasn't always bad".

Do I think it was a mistake? I don't know.
Would I rather stay at home if I knew 1 year ago how will it be? Probably yes. Not because I regret of coming here. I just think it was kinda pointless. My life changed in many ways, but not the way I wanted it to change. I lost too much and got almost nothing. But still... I'm enjoying to be here. I love the country (not the government), I like people, I like the weather, I like the situation with tolerance and human rights, I like the food and wine here.

I've learnt some big lessons here:
Expectations -> disappointments.
Life is too short for bullshit.
Trust no bitches. Watch who is really worth your time, your care and your love. Don't waste your emotions, they can run out in any moment.
You can do anything if you believe in yourself. There are no limits!

So... It's time to thank some people.

At first I'd like to thank those amazing people who I've met here. Not calling names, you all know who I'm talking about. Thank you for being with me, for getting my ass to the parties, for calling and texting me when I feel bad, for asking me how am I, for teaching me bad words, for helping me in many ways, for introducing me to other good people. Thank you very much! XoXo

Then I'd like to thank those who left me. Thank you for making me stronger, for helping me to discover my inner power, for explaining me that I'm not that bad, there are much worse people, for teaching me how to separate real friends from fake friends. Thank you very much! XoXo

Also I'd like to thank my family and my friends from my "past life". Thank you for supporting me no matter what, for not forgetting me, for staying in touch through all this year, you are better than gold, better than any diamond in the universe, you're simply the best! Thank you very much and see you all soon! XoXo

And last, but not least I'd like to thank my best friend. Thank you for always being with me, for understanding, for the best advices you give me, for your amazing sense of humor and countless laugh I got with you. I'll never forget the moment we first met almost 5 years ago and all the great experience we had together. Thank you very much! XoXo Dior bless you! )))

Sincerely yours, el ruso.

Ant #249. Fathers and Sons

Today I've had a very bad conversation with my dad.

We were arguing about situation in Ukraine, all the aspects of a problem. He started telling me historical "facts" that USSR saved the half of Europe from Hitler and they must be grateful. I added that we also occupied them, so I doubt they should be grateful.

He watches russian TV and believes everything they say. He said that Bandera (historical ukrainian person) was pro-Hitler. I disagreed coz he was just anti-Stalin, that's it. I also said that Bandera was in a german prison (1941-1944) and couldn't participate the war, and this is a fact, everyone who read history knows it. He said it's a lie coz he saw on a TV a few videos where Bandera killed russians (whaaaaaat?).
I started laughing, I just couldn't keep arguing using facts against fiction and russian bullshit propaganda.
Then he started telling me the same crap that all russians tell to their kids, that evil America dreams to destroy us and turn us into slaves! (*facepalm*).
I said, "Yeah, that's why we have NATO military base in Ulianovsk (the city near Moscow)!"

He said I'm a traitor of my homeland and dropped the call.

O_o

Ant #248. Time Machine.

If I had a Time Machine, I would travel into the future to see how many people will be upset 

when I die. 

Don't ask me why.

Ant #233. Merry Xmas! Vol. 2.

*  *  *

Ho! Ho! Ho!

I know it's a bit late, but late is better than never!

So as I said, on jan 7 there was Christmas for orthodox christians in Russia, and all my religious friends and my family were celebrating it!

So Merry f*cking Christmas! ^_^ 

*  *  *

Ant #228. Dad.

Today is my dad's 65th birthday!

I cannot celebrate it with my family like I couldn't celebrate my mom's b-day coz I'm on the other side of the planet, but of course I have called him to wish him all the best!

My relationships with him never were easy, he has some issues, so do I. 

But it's just because we are too similar. 

If you wanna know who's Mr. Dad, look at me. He's strict, strong, serious and knows exactly what he wants. And if I ever will be a father, I wanna be like him. 

He always gives me the best advices and never ask me silly questions about the weather or what I've eaten. You know, the crap that all moms want to know! )))))

So... Happy birthday, dad! ;-)

Ant #188. Pronunciation.

Last saturday all my old friends were celebrating a b-day of our mutual friend.
I recorded one video and sent it to them.
They were so happy to see and hear me, but then some of them told me that my accent has changed and my voice sounds completely different now.

Since I moved to Buenos Aires I almost don't speak russian: I speak 70% spanish and 30% english.

Frustrating...

Ant #170. Family life.

I've just read the name of this article and laughed a lot)))

But seriously...
This is 1 week since I came here and I live with my Teddy Bear a real family life.
We go to supermarkets together, we clean rooms, we do laundry, we watch movies and of course we sleep together!

And I must admit it... It's so f*cking cool!

Ant #168. New life.

At first I wanted to write a huge post about my upcoming new life, about my expectations etc.
But then I thought it will be so silly.

So... Just to let you know... MY NEW LIFE STARTS TOMORROW!!! ;-)))
But it doesn't mean that I'm leaving my past behind.
My family, my old friends... You will always have a place in my heart! Never forget it!
And be sure that the doors of my new home will be open for you!

Forever yours, Just me.

P.S. See YOU at the airport, babe! :-*

Ant #160. Pressure.

The worst feeling is when you have to do something, but you don't feel like doing this.
And I'm not talking about cleaning your room or walking a dog.
I mean situations when our friends, relatives, lovers expect something from you (or you think that they expect) and you cannot refuse, but it's against your nature or wishes.

PRESSURE.

Ant #121. About nothing.

So long time with no post.
But I don't even know what to say.
No seriously, nothing happened.

I usually say that if I don't write anything, it means I'm doing fine. )))))

* * *

A couple of weeks ago I went to my home town. I always go there in the end of september, coz Oct 1st is mym mom birthday. I'm trying to be with her this day.
I gotta admit that this time my trip was kinda good, especially comparing to my previous visit of them. Noone f*cked with me, noone was teaching me, noone was trying to "help" me.
I spent an amazing weekend on a beach with my friends.

Black Sea

* * *

I've finally started the new trimestre in my institute of spanish. My professor (a girl from the south of Spain) is fine, but I expected more. My previous one was a "star", a cool guy from Valencia. Let's wait, maybe she gets better soon.

* * *

Last weekend my friend from Ukraine visited me. It was one of the coolest weekends in this year. Yeah, it's true. She's very kind, we spend a great time together. 2 nights in a row in the clubs, sightseeing, meeting our mutual friends. Everything was perfect. Even the bad weather couldn't ruine our mood.
I'm already missing her. Maybe I should go to Kiev...
We'll see...

* * *

And the most important!
I've managed my trip to Argentina on december.
It means that my MDNA tour didn't end like I thought 2 months ago. )))
I'll share all the details later!

Sincerelly yours, Just Me.
XoXo

P.S. I have to see that amazing performance! This songs wasn't included into the tour before.

Ant #120. Mom's b-day.

This is always a headache to me.

First of all, because I have to go to my home town. It's a kind of tradition. I live by my own in another city more than 6 years, but I never skip my mom's birthday. So she knows I'll come anyway.

Then, because I don't know what she wants. I mean a gift. She says she doesn't need anything. But it's a birthday, I have to buy something. When I was abroad for the last time (in Norway), I've bought Madonna's perfume for her ("Truth or Dare"), but it's too cheap for being a b-day gift. It's just a souvenir from my trip.

Truth or Dare by Madonna

DOH! 4 days till the flight, but I have no f*cking idea what to buy!

HELP!!!

Ant #117. Money.

Money... Money, money, money...
That's what I need right now!

After ending my summer trip, I feel so broken. Not because I'm tired or exhausted, but because I want more. I'm dying to go to South America on december, but now it seems absolutely impossible.

Here is my "To Do / Pay For" list:

1) Flight to my hometown, on sept/oct.
2) Birthday gift for my mom.
3) New shoes, jeans, a few other clothes.
4) Birthday gift for my bff.
+
5) Flight to South America and back on december.
6) A few local flights.
7) Hotels.
8) 4 tickets for Madonna's shows (it's a huuuge money).

And I'm not talking about food and my apartment rent.
Doh! Why is the world so unfair? WHYYYYYYY?

XD

Ant #87. Two dads or two moms.

I've just seen this picture on web and million of thoughts have been born in my head.

First of all, I definitely support equal human rights and I support gay marriages. People cannot be judged or discriminated because of who they love.

But when we talk about children, it's not so unequivocal.
And I'm not talking about this kind of families where, for example, a woman has born a child, then she realized herself as a lesbian and found another woman. In this case there will be one problem less.
I'm talking about adoption.

Look at the picture! It's hard to disagree, right? After watching all the homeless kids at the streets who would say "He'll be better at the street than in gay-family!"??? I guess noone would say that.

But let's imagine how a child grows up in this kind of family.
Will he be despised at school? Definitely.
Will he be thinking his family isn't normal? Probably.
And finally, will he be thankful for this childhood? I don't have an answer.

For me this theme is very important, because I'm bisexual and I don't know yet will I have a child with my wife or will I need to adopt one with my partner?

Any ideas? All the comments are allowed, even bad or homophobic.

Ant #64. The cage.

I know it's so bad to say it but these few days in my parents's home were awful.
Thanks God, tomorrow morning I go home.

My mom and sister have f*cked my brains. I never felt like in the cage here. All days I've been dreaming of an escape. I know they are caring about me, but I'm f*cking 26 years old independent man and they are f*cking gotta deal it.
Two days ago mom cried because I've had a dinner at a cafe instead of at home. What the hell? I was walking at city center and I was going to continue sightseeing. And I should come home just for a dinner? It's ridiculous! But it's impossible to explain to her such a simple thing.
Yesterday she cried because I was going to visit my ex-teachers. She said I don't spend a time at home. Damn it! What's wrong with her ego?
Today there was an epic scandal. Mom and sister were trying to give me $500, they think that I don't have enough money even for buying some food. I said NO. It's a madness. As they can see, I'm not dying and I'm far from being slim. I'm travelling and having a full life. But they started to cry saying I'm doing like I'm not a part of family! I was completely shocked and had nothing to say, coz it was the maddest thing I ever heard in my life! They told me I have to call them everyday, but I don't, I had to tell them all about my life, but I don't, I have to come here often, but I don't...

You can call me a sinner after what I'll say, but... I WANNA GO HOME! MY HOME!!!

Ant #62. I'm coming home...

This friday the plane will take me away from here to my mom's home.

It's always exciting to come home, to see my parents and sister, to meet my old friends... well, those who are still my friends...
What should I do there from friday till tuesday? I have no idea. Too much time for this place and these people.
1) Get my new passport.
2) Drink with my sister.
3) Drink with my best friend, meet his family.
4) Drink with my best friend from university.
5) Drink with my godsister.
5) Drink with my best female-friend in another city (3 hours long road is nothing for me).

Awesome plans... (((

If it was a summer, I could go on the beach, but now you can only freeze yourself instead of taking a sun bath. )

This is how my home town looks...

Ant #12. New Year.

What is New Year's Eve for you?
Do you believe that next year will be better than the previous one?
What are you expecting?

For me it's a magical time. From my childhood it's my favourite holiday. I remember how I was looking for gifts under the christmas tree, how I was waiting for Santa Claus, how I was reading poems to him.

Then I've matured. My habits have been changed. Vodka replaced gifts, friends replaced Santa Claus, clubs replaced poems. But I still thought it's a great time.

And what's now? Now I'm thinking New Year and Christmas are family holidays. But I don't have a family. Of course, I have parents and my lovely sister, but it's not what I mean. Family is the only one person whom you'd like to hug and never let him/her go.

I've lost all hopes... So it seems I'm gonna celebrate New Year with the broken heart and a fake smile.
The day after tomorrow I'll depart out of this f*cking city, out of this mad world, out of my mind.

See you...

Ant #6. Family.

There is a song in my iPod. It has a strong lyrics... "The only thing you can depend on is your family."
Hmmmm... Why not, actually? But...
What the f*ck does it mean? Should I forget about my own personal life to make my family feel better? Should I listen to them about what to do and what to say?
And what is the family? My parents or my partner (and maybe children)? Or all of them? And why do I have to depend on them?

I'm f*cking smart, brave, independent man. I wanna learn my own lessons. I wanna do what I feel need to do. And I don't need their advices.

It doesn't mean I wanna leave my family, but I don't feel this kind of dependence.

"I can make it alone..."