One of my best friends, a wonderful girl, my soulmate is about to get married and I'm really happy for her!
Yesterday we were chatting, I wanted to know all the details of upcoming wedding, coz this news were so unexpected. Nobody knew anything!
She wasn't into talking actually and didn't seem excited. I felt that something was wrong. I know her very well. And suddenly she said that she would better marry me, but I always was denying something serious with her.
I almost died!
I really don't know what to do/say now?! How to treat her?!
The invitation to joing this demonstration I received yesterday.
At first I wasn't about to come (I had other plans), but the fact that it will be in front of the russian embassy made me change my mind!
I didn't know what to expect. In Russia all pro-LGBT demonstrations are prohibitted (officially not, but actually yes), and people who join them risk to be busted/beaten/killed (depending on how lucky you are).
I came to the place a lil bit earlier to check everything and I saw a couple of my friends there.
I felt better!
Someone told journalists that I was russian, and they all came to me to talk, to ask some questions, to share opinions. I gave the interview to one of local TV channels which wasn't a big pleasure, coz usually I'm not a fan of this kind of attention. But I had no choice, I was the only one russian there.
It was super-fun! There was a cool music, gay-flags and lots of nice people!
Some people asked me my contacts, to talk later.
I stayed there a lil bit more and then left.
I'm no longer in Russia, but it doesn't mean I can forget about that country. I still have there my family and my friends who need to know they are not alone!
Be stronger! Together we can do anything!
Every night I turn off the light, lay down on my bed, close my eyes and... it begins!
Thousands of thoughts start running across my brain, like ants, noising and annoying ants. I think about everything... about my current life, my friends, my ex... Sometimes I cry, sometimes I just talk to myself trying to calm me down.
But whatever I do, I cannot fall asleep. It lasts till 5-6 am until I'm powerless.
Next morning I wake up being destroyed, but I drink a coffee and somehow... miraculously... start my day. I live like a normal guy enjoying myself, but then the sun disappear and it all comes back.
Hey, dear! A hug is what I really need now, for sure! If u ever come back here again, you're always welcome at my home. I never regret for what I've done, I can only regret for what I haven't done. The problem is that I never lived alone before, always with parents or roommates. And if I ever felt lonely I had somebody to talk to. It's so new to me. I wanted to live alone so badly, and now when I got what I wanted I understand how much I need someone else. I know what you're gonna say... that I'll get used to it. I agree, but this is the worst of the worst moments to do that. When your heart is broken you need many people around you so their voices could muffle your heart's crying. You're right, we didn't have too much time to know each other better, but I hope we will in the future. And I do appreciate the fact that you told me your secrets. It means a lot to me, seriously! And I really hope we'll see each other before the next tour. And thanx for advice about volunteers. I think it's a great idea! XoXo
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Sometimes I need to take my thoughts out of subconsciousness and write them to somebody.
It helps me to understand what I really feel.
I've been told that someone likes me.
It's a big honor, but you gotta know something...
You met me in the worst time of my life.
Recently my past relationship has been finished and I'm still suffering.
I wish I could open my heart to new people, but it's broken and it doesn't seem it gets fixed soon.
I'm heartily sorry... I cannot do anything...
But I do my best...
So before we take this road, before you change my mind,
Fill my heart with hope, help me to believe this time.
I've been torn apart, desperately try to find a way back to my heart,
Last saturday all my old friends were celebrating a b-day of our mutual friend.
I recorded one video and sent it to them.
They were so happy to see and hear me, but then some of them told me that my accent has changed and my voice sounds completely different now.
Since I moved to Buenos Aires I almost don't speak russian: I speak 70% spanish and 30% english.