Ant #321. HIV+ people.

I have a friend (in Moscow) who is HIV positive. He doesn't know that I know it, but I know (don't ask me how).

I saw this video and I remembered about him. I remembered how he never let me to hug him, how he never let me to drink from his cup, how he refused to sleep at my home because he thought he had to force me to clean the sheets after him and didn't know how.

I left Russia more than 2 years ago, but he never opened up to me or to any of our friends. And I understand why. For many HIV+ people it's even more difficult than for gays to come out from closet. There are so many prejudges in a society about this desease.

I feel sorry that I couldn't tell him some words of support... I didn't want him to feel scared or uncomfortable. If he wanted to keep it in secret, I had to respect his decision.

I just wanna tell anybody who has HIV+ friends. They aren't leprous. They are still the same people that you once knew!

Ant #320. Rain.

I remember an old russian song where the lyrics say "Nature doesn't have a bad weather. Any weather is good."

I don't know. I have a friend who says that any weather is a nightmare, it's always too hot or too cold or too this or too that. She's funny )

I think I'm alright with a heat and frizzing cold, but I can't stand the rain. It ruins everything, plans, willings to go out, but first of all it ruins a good mood.

In Russia we say that rain is nothing but a sky crying. I think it's a beautiful metaphor. And that's exactly how I feel. I watch the water knits on my window and feel tears rolling down over my soul. I wanna get back to my bed and cover myself with a blanket. Too bad that nobody's bringing me a cup of a hot coffee... ☕

Current mood song...

Ant #319. Disconnection.

I talked to one refugee from Russia today. She was like "OMG! There happens this, there happens that", and I found myself thinking that I don't actually care. Then I tried to remember when I read russian news the last time, and I couldn't.

It feels so strange to me. To be honest, I don't know if it's good or not. It's just a fact: I've disconnected.

Ant #318. Nudes.

I swear I could open a gallery with all the pics of dicks they sent to me...

I don't remember since when people started to send nudes to each other?! It wasn't trendy when I was a teenager. I guess it's because we didn't have cameras in our phones.

Just to make things clear! I'm not talking about artistic nude pictures, I'm talking about exact pictures of the dicks.

Honestly I do find it pretty funny to exchange nudes with your partner when you're far away from each other, it's like a game. But I don't really get a point of sending them to strangers, especially if they are in another part of the world. What do you want? Show off? Impress me? Make me jealous? Get me hard? Sorry, this doesn't work on me. Or maybe it's just an exhibitionism? Ok so, but still it doesn't work on me. Besides, there was nothing interesting or jealous worthy.

Listen to this girl, she speaks the truth!

I can't stop laughing at what she says, but damn she's so right, like she's also going to see lots of #Madonna shows))))) #money #RebelHeartTour #bankruptcy #debts

Joking))) I don't even care about your money! :-P

Ant #317. Online dating.

If I wrote this post 2 years ago, there would be an absolutely different text. Here it comes...

I was always against it. I found it pretty desperate. But now I totally changed my mind (even tho I don't use it for myself). We live in the 21st century. There was no mobile phones just a few years ago. The ways we communicate have changed forever. So why not? Let people meet online! There's nothing disturbing to me, except of one thing...

Youngsters nowadays are so into modern technologies. I find it absolutely great, but along with communication ways, people's attitude changed as well.
Once again it's absolutely OK now to meet someone online, talk anything to a stranger, send nudes before even saying hello. As long as it doesn't hurt people, it's absolutely legal.

My point is there's no miracle anymore. Maybe, I'm too old-school, but I seriously miss those days when you had to date a person to know something about him, I miss this magic (and shaking hands) when you undress a person for the first time.

I tried a couple of web-sites when I was younger, I even tried Tinder a few months ago. It never worked on me. I still prefer meeting people in a bar or via mutual friends.

Ant #316. Uniqueness.

Many people think they are different, they are something unique, something exceptionally great while actually they are so basic. But modern society makes them thinking this way. We all see these "queens of the world" everywhere.

I don't know if it's good or not, I just see that people are terribly afraid of being normal.

I remember when I was 14 or 15, there was a parental meeting in my school and my teacher told them... "I can see a separation in the class. There are 3 groups: 1st group - boys, 2nd group - girls, 3rd group - ..."

3rd group was only me. No, I wasn't despised or bullied, never. But people always thought I was different and couldn't really contact me. I also wasn't looking for connection, but I was suffering of them thinking I was weirdo when I desperately wanted to be normal.

Ant #315. Goodbye, life.

I saw many many times people post horrible stories about suicides of gays who were bullied.

Thought #1.

In the amount of people who suicide, how many of them were gays?
Try to understand me, every case of suicide is a terrible story that should never happen, but do we ever see in newspapers that someone suicides because he lost his job or lost his money, or because his wife cheated on him? No. So what does make gays special? I don't get it.
Some people are assholes and some people suicide. This is just an ugly truth of the life. Shit happens. That's why...

Thought #2.

It doesn't matter what was the cause of suicide, we shouldn't praise it. Suicide isn't a solution. It's for weak people. That's what we should say to anyone who ever thinks about it. Don't kill yourself! Fight! We're here to help you if you need, but don't give up! This should be a massage. But instead we have "Oh poor babe, he killed himself because he was treated badly by his horrible classmates." After reading this every teenager will think "Ah, so I have to kill myself to get some compassion."

Modern humanity exists many thousands years, and during all this time we were treating each other badly. We aren't able to change it, we will always be like this. So we have to deal with it. And instead of praying for the world peace (which will NEVER happen), we should grow balls and when they drag us in dirt, get up and keep going.

Period.