Ant #51. Go wild tonight.

Yeah! Finally! It's happening!
I'm gonna dance my ass away tonight!

I'm going to the party, where will be a few people loving me. Does it mean I'll have fun? Yeah, definitely! ))) Even my roommate left to Germany and my apartment will be free. )

BUUUUUT... I could use this opportunity, if my heart wasn't occupied. So I think... No, I'm sure I'll come back home alone. Well, I'm not upset because of this. )
As I said before, I'm not that kind of guy.

I just wanna get drunk, dance, flirt, talk to my friends, tempt a few new persons... Yeah, why not?

I got that burnin' hot desi-i-i-re

And no one can put out my fi-i-i-re

It's coming right down through the wi-i-i-re

Here it comes

When I hear them 808 drums

It's got me singing...

Ant #50. St. Petersburg.

Yesterday I have bought the Golden Circle ticket for Madonna's concert in St. Petersburg and immediately have drowned in my memories.

Do you have a day or a time which you will never forget?
I have, and it's exactly her show in the Northern Capital in 2009, where I've been... Where we have been...
Who knew how these days will change my life? Forever!

Our first meeting... I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember all my feelings, I remember your eyes, your smile... The heartbeat.

This is so funny ))) I've just watched all my photos from St. Petersburg, you're standing with me everywhere! ) So nice... )

And the day X. Do you remember? When I said: "We need some raincoats! Who wanna go with me? You! Come on!" I'm not sure you were happy to walk with me looking for this plastic crap, but I think you were. ))) And then... Do you remember? I said: "I don't know how about you, but I wanna go home and sleep at least 1 hour or I'll die!" Hahahahaaaa))) I'm such a bitch, I know )

And then, when we came home and laid down on the bed trying to fall asleep. Did you fall asleep? I didn't. I couldn't. I felt something... something burning inside of me... I couldn't resist it.

Your taste is still on my lips...

After 3 years... Let's try again?

Ant #49. GIRL GONE WILD lyrics.

It's so hypnotic
The way he pulls on me
It's like the force of gravity
Right up under my feet

It's so erotic
This feeling can't be beat
It's coursing through my whole body
Feel the heat

I got that burning hot desire
And no one can put out my fire
It's coming right down through the wire

Here it comes
When I hear them 808 drums

It's got me singin' hey-ey-e
Like a girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild
I'm like hey-ey-e
Like a girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild

Girls they just wanna have some fun
Get fired up like a smokin' gun
On the floor till the daylight comes
Girls they just wanna have some fun

A girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild
I'm like a girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild

The room is spinnin'
It must be the tanqueray
I'm about to go astray
My inhibition's gone away

I feel like sinnin'
You got me in the zone
DJ play my favourite song
Turn me on

I got that burning hot desire
And no one can put out my fire
It's coming right down through the wire

Here it comes
When I hear them 808 drums

It's got me singin' hey-ey-e
Like a girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild
I'm like hey-ey-e
Like a girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild

Girls they just wanna have some fun
Get fired up like a smokin' gun
On the floor till the daylight comes
Girls they just wanna have some fun

I know, I know, I shouldn't act this way
I know, I know, I know, good girls don't misbehave, misbehave
But I'm a bad girl anyway
Forgive me

Hey-ey-e
Like a girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild
I'm like hey-ey-e
Like a girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild

Girls they just wanna have some fun
Get fired up like a smokin' gun
On the floor till the daylight comes
Girls they just wanna have some fun

A girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild
I'm like a girl gone wild
A good girl gone wild

Ant #48. Girl Gone Wild.

"Oh my God,
I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee,
and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven,
and the pains of hell.
But most of all because I love Thee,
And I want so badly to be good."


M

Ant #47. Love & Hangover.

Terrible hangover. I haven't felt myself such a dead for a long long time.

Yesterday I was on comedy TV-show shooting. The show had a gay theme, that I didn't know about. I guess my mom will be surprised if she sees it... Buh )))
Then we've got drunk. Well, I've got drunk, my friends didn't drink at all. But I wanted, I had to. Last days were so stressful, I needed some rest and relax.
So I had fun. Yeah! ))) Drunk I tweeted so many silly things like "V-O-D-K-A" ("L-U-V Madonna" style) or "I could be Eugene"))) Just shit. Whatever.
Oh yeah. It seems like last night I wasn't the only one who was drinking.

This morning I was dreaming about death! LOL ))))) But I had to go to the rally. Again! They will never end for me. Anyway, I have my citizen position. Democracy is what we all about.

Why did I call this post "Love & Hangover"?
Ah, yep. Because I love you.

Ant #46. Sense of life.

A few days with no any single post, but I had nothing to say.

I'm so exhausted. Total emotional emptiness. I gave myself trying to fix everything, and nothing happened.
Full ignoring and hatred. All my messages are leaving without responses.

Is this the end? It seems like...

I don't know what to do now? How to live? For whom to live? No answer.

Don't you think that breaking my heart you'll destroy my faith in love? My heart cannot be bleeding always. One day it will burn down and turn into the coal. Of course, I will forgive you even if you apologise in 1000 years, but will I be able to love again and give you so much passion like I can now.

You're killing my soul, therefore you should know that the flesh cannot love...

Ant #45. The last conversation.

Me:
I don't know how to be...
I wanna tell you so many things, but thoughts are messing in my head.
I don't understand why we haven't a dialogue, why you're not going on contact. You can pretend as long as you want that I don't exist in your life, I will never believe it. And don't try to make me pretending as well. I'm not gonna do that.
Foolish situation. You want us not to talk? You wanna delete all the memories? Right? You'll get better? Ok, just one word from you and I will never disturb you. But damn it, it's a delirium. It's impossible! It's so wrong!
Why don't you meet half-way? Stop holding the anger. I didn't do anything bad to you. Nothing! But if I did, tell me. I wanna know and I'm ready to apology.
I have overcome it all a long time ago, because I don't wanna live with an insult inside of me. I wanna remember all the best. Why don't you want? Let's overcome all the disagreements together. Aren't we able? It's so easy.
I will die if you decide to delete me from your life, but I'll stand any decision. Think about it...
You're not obliged to me anything, therefore do how you feel you'll be better personally. Don't worry about me.

You:
You're the most important person for me in this f*cking world. But I need time to come to senses... Forgive me. I wana talk to you, but I can't. Meanwhile... Please, forgive me.

Me:
I'm ready to wait as long as necessary. Know that I'm always on a phone call distance. But for now I won't disturb you. All the best for you.


P.S. I'm typing and tears are falling down on the keyboard...