Ant #56. The hardest choice.

Love in hell or Loneliness in heaven?

Not so simple choice, right?
I asked myself millions times, am I ready to step into the hell, holding your hand?
I do know that being with you is loosing calm.
There's a war inside of me... The war of mind and feelings... And it doesn't seem to end... Never ever.
When I'm about to write you anything, I have to command my fingers to type "Have you seen this movie?" instead of "I love you!"
This is killing me...
But I can stand it. After all these sufferings, I'll be in heaven surrounded by angels making me feel exceptionally calm. But will I be happy there alone? That's the question...

Love in hell or Loneliness in heaven?

Ant #55. Love Spent.

"I want you to hold melike you hold your money
Hold on to it
'till there's nothing left

Love spent
Feeling love spent
Yeah, I'm love spent
Wondering where the love went
Love spent
Yeah I'm love spent
Really love spent
Wondering where it all went

Don't try to take me like you took your money
Take me In your arms until your last breath
I want you to hold me like you hold your money
Hold me in your arms until there's nothing left

Nothing left, nothing left, nothing left, nothing left

Love spent
Feeling love spent
Yeah, I'm love spent
Wondering where the love went
Love spent
Yeah I'm love spent
Really love spent
Wondering where it all went"


M

Ant #54. Addicted to MDNA.

It's a countdown! Yeah! It is!

I'm so excited about Madonna's upcoming album MDNA.
The more I hear new songs, the more I'm in love with her 12th babe.
The more I read reviews, the more I'm thrilled.
The more I'm checking my calendar, the more I'm dying to buy it.

Uuuh! Crazy times are coming from the clouds!

Yesterday, the snippet of "I'm addicted" song was revealed and it has blown my mind!
Yes, I liked "Give Me All Your Luvin'" and especially "Masterpiece", but "Girl Gone Wild" and "I'm addicted" are what I really would like to hear on her new album!
This is so unusual for her! It's like a trance!

And I'm not very happy about her collaboration with William Orbit.
But don't misunderstand me!
I agree with all of you, that "Ray Of Light" is one of her best albums, but I don't like self-repetitions.
It was and it was great! Please, not again!
Don't stop! Go ahead!

Ant #53. So close and so far.

Thanx to modern technologies I can see your face in Skype, but I can't touch you.

Why the world is so unfair with us?
You even cannot imagine what I feel when I'm looking at you...
I wanna say something important to you, but I swallow words, because I'm afraid of consequences. I know you wanna tell me the same, I can see it in your eyes.
What does stop us? The fear of repetition of mistakes? Maybe... But the truth is I'm ready to try again and again, because I can't live without you. I wanna die trying...

You said you don't wanna step again into the same river, coz you're afraid to drown in it. But I'm already in it and I'm drowning. And I need your help. I need you...
Or I really will die... trying...

Ant #52. "Drunk" SMSs.

I doubt there is at least one person who never sent it.
If you ever were in love, you definitely know how difficult it can be keeping calm...

Remember?

When it's closing time in the club, you're completely drunk and lonely and you don't want anything except of telling your ex how much you still love him/her. The blood is running through your veins, transporting these thoughts eating you from inside. You're taking your phone and hoping it's dead, broken or discharged. But damn it, it works well. You start typing... deleting... typing... deleting... You're trying to find proper word... Making mistakes and correcting them... Making them again... After several attempt you're finally pressing "SEND" button and looking how the most stupid thing's happening. And no regrets!

But at the morning you're ready to sell your soul for the opportunity to turn back time. Familiar feeling? I  think so.

These moments I despise myself so much. I have to tell it when I'm sober or I have to shut up forever!

Noone takes it serously, they just think you're weak thing who cannot control himself. And probably you won't get anything in response.

Mar 4, 2012  6:40 AM
"I need you so badly! Good morning to you and Good night to me!"

Ant #51. Go wild tonight.

Yeah! Finally! It's happening!
I'm gonna dance my ass away tonight!

I'm going to the party, where will be a few people loving me. Does it mean I'll have fun? Yeah, definitely! ))) Even my roommate left to Germany and my apartment will be free. )

BUUUUUT... I could use this opportunity, if my heart wasn't occupied. So I think... No, I'm sure I'll come back home alone. Well, I'm not upset because of this. )
As I said before, I'm not that kind of guy.

I just wanna get drunk, dance, flirt, talk to my friends, tempt a few new persons... Yeah, why not?

I got that burnin' hot desi-i-i-re

And no one can put out my fi-i-i-re

It's coming right down through the wi-i-i-re

Here it comes

When I hear them 808 drums

It's got me singing...

Ant #50. St. Petersburg.

Yesterday I have bought the Golden Circle ticket for Madonna's concert in St. Petersburg and immediately have drowned in my memories.

Do you have a day or a time which you will never forget?
I have, and it's exactly her show in the Northern Capital in 2009, where I've been... Where we have been...
Who knew how these days will change my life? Forever!

Our first meeting... I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember all my feelings, I remember your eyes, your smile... The heartbeat.

This is so funny ))) I've just watched all my photos from St. Petersburg, you're standing with me everywhere! ) So nice... )

And the day X. Do you remember? When I said: "We need some raincoats! Who wanna go with me? You! Come on!" I'm not sure you were happy to walk with me looking for this plastic crap, but I think you were. ))) And then... Do you remember? I said: "I don't know how about you, but I wanna go home and sleep at least 1 hour or I'll die!" Hahahahaaaa))) I'm such a bitch, I know )

And then, when we came home and laid down on the bed trying to fall asleep. Did you fall asleep? I didn't. I couldn't. I felt something... something burning inside of me... I couldn't resist it.

Your taste is still on my lips...

After 3 years... Let's try again?